Caroline Kennedy for Senator

As you might, you know, know, Hillary Clinton has um, you know, parlayed her, you know, husband's, um, jerking off on the, um, fat girl into, you know, a position in the um, Obamamessiah's, you know, cabinet, which means, you know, that the, um, blind, um, unelected governor of um, New, you know, York, who got to be, um governor because the um, the last governor, um, had sex with, you know, prostitutes, gets to, you know, pick a new, you know, senator, is this a great, you know, country or um, what. We, the, you know, Weasels, as, you know, New York residents, would like to, you know, formally, um, endorse, Caroline, you know, Kennedy, for the, you know, position. Caroline is, you know, quite qualified to, um, be, you know, senator, and not just because, you know, she, um, edited a collection of, you know, poems, written by her, um, mother, called, um, the Best-Loved Poems of, you know, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She has many, um, sterling, qualifications. For, you know, example, both, um, her father and her, you know, uncle were shot in their respective, um, heads, which fate, you know, Caroline has, um, so far managed to, um, avoid. Also, her brother John um John crashed his plane into the, you know, ocean, killing himself and his, you know, fiancee, although fortunately not, you know, Darryl Hannah, who, you know, played, um, a stripper in Dancing at the Blue Iguana, which stripping, you know, caused me to, um, you know, touch myself, which I had never, um, done during a Darryl Hannah movie before, except, you know, once during, you know, Splash. Also, one, um, Kennedy once, um, died by doing a, you know, Sonny Bono like header into a, um, an oak tree during, you know, a drunken, you know, skiing incident, and Sonny Bono's, um, wife got to be, you know, senator, and he didn't even, you know, jerk off on the fat girl, although he may have, you know, jerked off on, um, Cher, as um, I once did during, you know, Moonstruck and also Mask. Moreover, um, Caroline's, you know, uncle Ted once got drunk and, you know, drove into a, you know, tidal pool and left the, um, passenger, some, you know, secretary or, you know, something called Bettie Jo Bradley or, you know, something, there to, um, die while he went, you know, back to his hotel room to, um, you know, sleep it off, and Teddy was, you know, a senator, and, um, since Caroline hasn't, you know, murdered anyone or, you know, been shot in the head or anything, and has not yet, you know, tobogganed into any trees or shrubberies, and has not, you know, raped anyone on Easter, you know, Sunday, and has not, you know, had sex with the babysitter, that, you know, leaves her eminently, you know, qualified, to be a, you know, um, senator.

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Everyone knows that the democrat party for the most part comprises a ratbag assortment of traitors, liars, communists, and buffoons. Botoxed harridan Nancy Pelosi. Compulsive liar Joe Biden. Drunken murderer Ted Kennedy. Former KKK Cyclops Robert Byrd. Corrupt sodomite Barney Frank. Bloated chowderhead Al Gore.

Making things worse for those with triple digit IQs is the fact that all the while these numbskulls are championed by a greek choir of the talentless and depraved: gibbering idiots like Chris Matthews, Keith Obermann, and George Snuffaluffagus; excrutiating asshats Alec Balwin and Danny Glover; slatterns Joy Behar and Rosie O'Donnell; mushbrains Barbra and Oprah. It's a long long list, and each entry is more awful and terrifying than the next.

Beyond their sheer personal awfulness is the fact that most libs are heartbreakingly stupid. Like children, they are painfully ignorant, lacking in rationality, and devoid of critical thinking skills. Watching a lib wrestle with a fact is like watching an octopus try to tie its shoes: after a prolonged period of writhing all that's left is a pointless inky mess.

And yet, impossibly, there is an entire group of people even worse than the crew aforementioned. Because even the dumbest and most corrupt dumbocrat could not come to power without the support of someone stupid enough to believe the lies and fictions they tell: aka the lib voter. This election the dims may well have reached a low water mark. In light of which the following scientific poll. Since this has to do with the libs, vote as many times as you like, especially if you're dead.

People v Donk

Which democrat voters are dumbest? No one can possibly be stupider than those Dimocrats in Minnesota who voted to send failed joke writer Al Franken to the US Senate. On the contrary, Pennsylvania Donks who voted for unindicted Abscam defendant slash senile fat slob Jack Murtha despite his barely disguised contempt for them are so stupid it's hard to believe they can get out of bed without breaking a bone. I agree that those people are abject morons, but for sheer stupidity no one can top Floriduh Demonrats, whose inability to read the ballot correctly led them to mistakenly vote for Pat Buchanan in 2000, thus handing the election to Bush 43. This is a trick question. You may as well attempt to distinguish between kernals of corn left floating in the bowl after a flush whisks away the remains of a hearty meal of corn on the cob, which corn should have been turned into ethanol via various subsides to combat global warming, the greatest threat to humanity since the threat of global cooling 20 tears ago. view results

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Coming Soon!!

DUMB AND DUMBER III:

Dumb is a three letter word

Opening in all 57 states this January!

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McMILF 08!!

DRILL HERE

DRILL NOW

Welcome to Hell

All Weasels, all the time

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And so it came to pass that

axis of weasel

was released

and there was much rejoicing

Unfazed by the commercial failure of their previous musical endeavors, The Weasels today announced the release of their latest CD, Axis of Weasel. Recorded at Blue Sky Studios and expertly mixed and mastered at prestigious Big Saucy Sound Studios in New York, Axis is a worthy addition to the Weasel canon, wherein ingenious lyrics about death, insanity, fascism, infidelity - and here, in a startling departure, several delicious varieties of cheese - are combined with infectious popular music colored by eclectic influences ranging from Fletcher Henderson to Frank Zappa.

To the left are sample mp3s from Axis of Weasel. To the right are links to information about and samples from four previous CDs, Fondue Cabaret, Leon's Mystical Head, Uranus or Bust, and GenerationXcrement. If you like what you hear, CDs are ten dollars each, including shipping; there's even a package deal for thrifty types.

THIS JUST IN: We Weasels are all about technology and being on the cutting edge thereof. Which is why we're so proud to announce the debut of our new "My Space" page. If you haven't already heard of My Space, you will. It's a website where individuals and entities can post information about themselves and their interests. It seems pretty "kewl" and we think it might really catch on witht he kids! So check it out.

THE WEASELS AT MY SPACE

Axis of Weasel comprises: 1. Hey Joey Doyle 2. Where Cheese is King 3. Flergen, a Swede 4. Suckling 5. Transparent 6. Whither Goest the Waitress 7. 1973 8. Officer Gerbils 9. Cosmic Rays 10. Under a Cheddar Moon 11. Dirtnap 12. Everything's Fine