IT WAS VERY
SAD
It was the damnedest thing
He
didn't see it coming
It got in through his head
And came out in his
plumbing
A minuscular speck
A shortime neglected
He didn't feel a thing
It came on unexpected
It was very sad
The people gnashed
their teeth
Somebody shed a tear
Somebody gave a speech
And they
all agreed
That they would dearly miss him
And if he'd just come back
They'd all hug and kiss him
Then they tipped their hats
And drank
a final toast
And made the sign of god
Son father holy ghost
They went
their merry ways
And lived their many lives
With their mister
masters
And their missus wives
The day was very gray
Even the sky
was blue
Somebody gave a speech
Bout someone he once knew
Then they
tipped the help
Out into the night
And the last one left
Turned out all
the lights
They went their merry ways
And lived their many lives
With
their missus masters
And their mister wives
***
FATHER
WEASEL
You are old Father Weasel, the young man said
And what's left
of your hair has gone white
And yet you incessantly play with yourself
Do
you think at your age it is right?
In my youth, Father Weasel replied to the boy
I worried I
might lose my sight
But now that I don't really see very good
I do it
near most every night
You are old said the youth, as I mentioned before
And have
grown most unusually fat
And yet you're continually stuffing yourself
Pray what is the reason for that?
In my youth said the sage, as he shook his great tits
I did
hundreds of sit ups a day
But now that I'm flaccid and quite nearly
dead
I don't really care what I weigh
You are old said the boy, one would hazard a guess
That your
bowels were as rigid as Luther
Yet you manage a shit near as often as me
Pray how do you manage to sooth her?
In my youth said the geezer, I yoga-ed each morn
And
practiced my manual dexterity
And that and some grease and opposable
thumbs
contribute to my regularity
You are old said the boy, as a blind man could see
And you're
worth more in dirt than alive
Yet you're planning a trip to Tahiti next month
Do you think at your age you'll survive?
In my youth said the ancient, I scrimped and I saved
With an eye to the Lord and posterity
If you want what remains after
whores and cocaine
Best fuck off or I'll leave it to
charity
***
TIMMY'S IN TROUBLE
When the dog barks
I know what he's saying
He's saying bad things
Timmy's in
trouble
When the dog barks
Its almost like the phone rings
and I
answer
and there's nobody there
When the dog speaks
I hear what he's saying
He
tells me to do things
Timmy's in trouble
When the dog speaks
Mostly I ignore it
He's just a dog after all
I know that
Sometimes I feed him scraps and bones
Sometimes I spray him
with the hose
The garbage keeps him close to home
The
water keeps him on his toes
When the dog barks
He says to do bad things
He
tells me to put things
Timmy's in trouble
When the dog speaks
I know
he's just a dog
But sometimes I wonder
What if he
weren't
***
WOODSTOCK
I came upon some kind of dog
He
was talking in some kind of code
In a language nobody knowed
And this he
told me
Im going down to Yazgurs Mall
There's a bell bottom blow out
at Filenes
With free green tambourines
At
selected locations
We are starbucks
We are golden arches
And we've got to get
ourselves
Back to the olive garden
By the time we got to walmart
We were half a million
strong
And everywhere a bong and a comfort station
And I dreamed I saw a
bomber death whopper
dollar menu in the sky
and it came with curley
fries
And a libation
We are starbucks
(Billions . .. served)
We are golden
arches
Caught in the devils bargain
And we've got to get ourselves
Back
to the olive garden
***
CHEZ CHAD
Waited ten minutes, for a half hour
And got a table in
the corner near the kitchen
by the men's room in the back
The apostle Chad, quite a fine actor
Gave us linen and
patchouli
Read a chalkboard
Bread and water for a snack
Most excellent Tod, a magnificent poet
Taking orders from the
peasants
Off the books
While father paid his way thru
school
He'd rather reign in Hell
Than serve lasagna
And even
when he spilled the marinara
on my sweater he was cool
The soup was cold
The loaf was moldy
The hostess
Magdalene came by
and told us not to worry
everything was fine
The fish was foul
they barely cooked it
I tried to send it
back
But Tod and Chad
were in the men's room
doing lines
Tod’s triumphant return
Announced the reckoning
Imagine
how my face looked
when it turned out that
my Master was
declined
I worked it off
By washing dishes
with some guy
Jesus
bussing tables
curing sausage
pouring water
into wine
It’ll rain in Hell
Before he takes a shower
with hair
so
wholly funky
that the scent of
his aroma
was divine
***
HELLO
I pray there be god
The god that lights the Milky Way
To separate the night from day
The god that made the heavens
sing
Seraphim and everything
I pray there be god
The god that made the firmament
And all things thereto incident
Who gave to man the breath of life
And from his rib his goodly wife
I pray there be god
Jesus born of virgin bride
And by
Pilate crucified
His spritz to make the
leper whole
His blood to save my fucking soul
I pray there be god
That god might
make the pit of hell
And all the demons therein
dwell
Cloven hoof satanic choir
Horn and pitchfork lake of fire
I pray there be god
The god that might make the
fire of hell
That you might burn there
I hope you burn
there
***
DEAR PRUFROCK
Mr. Baby Jesus
Hangs above my
bath
When I take my clothes off
He begins to laugh
Maybe its my pee
pee
Maybe its my nose
Maybe somethings funny
Only god knows
Roly poly Buddha
There on my
TV
When I change the channel
He's on jeopardy
Nirvana for two billion
Alex
Who is satguru
He's with boddisatfa
They're on channel two
Hare krishna baby
Sure been good to
me
Imagine there's no kharma
Eb and ivory
If my yang is cloudy
Maybe
it's my ying
Hare rama rama
lamalama dingdong ding
Mr. Baby Jesus
Watches with his
eyes
When I take my pants down
Mr Jesus sighs
Maybe its my
ankles
Maybe it's my toes
Maybe someone's coming
God only
knows
***
TROTSKY IN THE BRONX
Roscoe Toomer, baby boomer
Had a brain, so went the rumor
Couldn't tell, he rarely used
it
Just as well, he'd have abused it
Working for the government
And boozing on the weekend
Roscoe's brother, different
mother
Had a kid and then another
He told
Roscoe: Look here brother
Head to Moscow, under cover
Meet with Boris Badenov
Do just what he tells you
The goose that laid the golden
egg
It hisses boos and honks
Trotsky in the Bronx
Toomer,
Roscoe, went to Moscow
Stalin Lenin Putin Tse Mao
Found the russian, got his orders
No discussion,
shekels quarters
Hopped a plane to Hoboken
And
met with Mata Hari
Toomer, Mister R. and
sister
Took a radio transister
Cabled Philby
with a floor plan
Called on Ethel with a tin can
Rob-bed Paul when Peter
piped
And put it in a pumpkin
The goose that laid the golden
egg
It hisses boos and honks
Trotsky in the
Bronx
***
DRIVING ALBERT'S BRAIN
(Ed note: the verses at
the end could be the chorus)
Someone's taken Albert’s
brain
They filled it up with junk
They packed it and they pickled
it
And put it in the trunk
Someone's taken Albert’s brain
They’re reading Albert's mind
They taken all the good ideas
And left
the rest behind
Someone's taken Albert’s brain
They're driving Albert
nuts
They've swapped his relativities
For ifs and ands and buts
Someone's taken Albert’s brain
They've heading for the
coast
Separated wheat from chafe
And made into into toast
Pardon me Ward
Is that the Massachusetts Turnpike?
Hey can
you drive
They'll never take me alive
I can't afford
Another Chappaquiddick boo-boo
Future looks
dim
You'd best be learning to swim
***
