They took the whole Indian nation
Locked us in this institution
(Of higher learning)
And though I wear a shirt and tie
I still part Redman deep inside

Evidently the appalling Ken Burns will this fall be releasing a rehash of his dreadful baseball documentary. Hopefully he’ll again feature plagiarist Doris Kearns Goodwin droning on interminably about her love affair with the Red Sox - Note to Doris Goodwin: Doris, no one cares, shut up, you suck - and tortured dwarf Bob Costas reminiscing about doomed golden boy Tony Conigliaro. The only more repulsive baseball entertainment I can imagine is a film of John Kruk and David Ortiz fucking.

 What is it with Democrats and plagiarism? Doris Kearns Goodwin. Molly Ivins. Mike Barnicle. Ward Churchill. And now everyone’s favorite aging sluttard Maureen Dowd. Modo’s Sunday column began predictable enough, by mentioning her bete noire Dick Cheney, for whom she blames for everything from the war in Iraq to Michael Douglas refusing to take her phone calls after using her for a cum dumpster. The interesting thing about this column - that there’s something interesting about a Dowd column is a first for the 21st century - is that it contains a verbatim quote from a blog written by some dope called Josh Marshall. Dowd claims that she never read the quote at issue. Instead she claims that she was discussing her Sunday column with a fuckbuddy friend and that during the conversation he made a telling point, which point she wrote down and subsequently put in her column. The quote, which she claims never to have read, and which she claims to have transcribed from a conversation with her friend, is exactly the same as Marshall’s paragraph, right down to the commas. Which seems to make Dowd something of a liar. Or more of a liar, anyway.

A jury found in favor of plagiarist Ward Churchill in his wrongful termination suit against Colorado State University, where the make believe indian formerly headed the ethnic studies program. According to the decision, Churchill will receive $ 1 worth of brightly colored beads, a blanket infested with small pox, and the complete second season of F Troop on DVD in damages, as well as an apology from the great white father in Washington. Speaking to reporters after the trial, Churchill said that he was “heap happy” with the result, which proved that even in a country as racist as the United States a white devil such as himself could grow up to pretend to be an oppressed minority.

Plagiarist Doris Kearns Goodwin and her husband Richard Goodwin, a part time gargoyle, were honored Sunday with a lifetime achievement award from the American Denture Association. Goodwin, who rose to fame after sucking Lyndon Baines Johnson’s dick in his post White House years, stole the idea for her enormous choppers from historian Michael Beschloss, whose recent biography of George Washington’s wooden teeth was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Dentistry.