He’s got eyes so bright swear you’re blind
Saw his second sight when he seen the sign
Not a simple thing nothing ever is
This won’t hurt the least bit complication

He got truth so pure it can’t be real
The kill the cure the think the feel
Just the word of god he had it notarized
And then the holy ghost is nothing sacred

He got a mind so strong make you weak in the knees
He says right is wrong and so its got to be
Between the razor’s edge and the thin blue line
Lies everyday open to suggestion

He got a heart so big cut you down to size
He got a part time gig dispensing words to the wise
Just the word of god he had it notarized
And then the holy ghost is nothing sacred

Come and take on ride on Leon’s mystical head
Isn’t it time you tried Leon’s mystical head
Step right up
Come on down
It’s the only one in town
Leon’s mystical head

A Fish

Old Mr. Fish made a succulent dish
He cooked it up nice all sugar and spice
He put in his teeth both above and beneath
It was good it was hot and he liked it a lot
Twas billy

Old Mr. Fish made a succulent dish
He kneeled down to pray in the old fashioned way
Not a morsel to waste cept the liver which tasted like chicken
And the peewees he threw cause he just couldn’t chew
But the monkey

Everything twirls and all the young girls
Make faces and dance in the rain
Everything spins and then it begins

Alferd was cool he was nobody’s fool
He pooh-poohed the snow and the wind when it blow
He hunkered on down in old Donner town
And slept through the storm and his friends kept him warm

Alferd was cooled till he started to drool
Old Isaac Swan he found out he was gone
Then came the day when the old Chief Ouray
He say “I smell a rat,” he say, “Boy you too fat”

Everything twirls and all the young girls
Make faces and dance in the rain
Everything spins and then it begins

Bulldoze the Moon

It’s a dirty job
I'm gonna do it
It’s an angry mob
Gonna fight right through it
We go to and fro
No conversation
Might be pointing north
Not my destination

It’s a funny thing
It’s a god damn riot
Make you dance and sing
So why not try it
We go back and forth
Nothing else to say
But before I go
Let’s do it my way

Do not pass go
Do not touch the dancers
Write the question below
And I can give you the answers
Don't say no
I be wanting more
Come on let’s go
Where nobody gone before
My bags are packed
You’re leaving soon
Bulldoze the moon

It’s a happy day
It’s a revelation
Someone got to pay
Start the preparation
Cause the ins and outs
All this aggravation
Think I need about
A week’s vacation

It’s a crying shame
No laughing matter
But if you’re game
I'll be the on deck batter
We go up and down
The joint is jumping
Now I'm Broadway bound
So please no dumping

Klaus Barbie and Ken

Well we’ve all heard the legend and the terrible tale
Of Adolf Klaus Barbie and Ken
How they came to meet and conscript and conspire
And afterwards what happened then
They walked for a while in unusual ways
They came to a pillar of stone
They looked all around to make sure that they were alone

Adolf and Rudolf Klaus Barbie and Ken
Completely remarkable men
The times they are a changing
They’ll soon be here again

They built a great castle and armed to the teeth
Proceeded to howl at the moon
The hamsters responded
The gerbils agreed
They thought it was a wondrous tune
Incited to violence they turned on the stoats
And trampled their bones neath their feet
The badgers were bothered
The beaver alarmed
The frogs hopped away in retreat

Adolf and Rudolf Klaus Barbie and Ken
Completely remarkable men
The times they are a changing
They’ll soon be here again

The weasels alone stood their ground in the fray
Though none of their friends could be found
After a struggle they were shot and they subsequently drowned

Adolf and Rudolf Klaus Barbie and Ken
Completely remarkable men
The times they are a changing
They’ll soon be here again

Bang My Head

Why don’t you go to hell and leave me alone
I don't drool for no bell
I don't beg for no bone
Why don't you go on home
I heard your mama call
Back to where the buffalo roam
And hang my head on your wall

Why don't you have a go
Why don't you get on gone
Make sure you let me know what number bus you’re on
Why don’t you go to Canarsie
Or go to Timbuktu
And wear a fez and speak Farsee
It might be good for you

Why don't you call it quits
The rats aren't in this race
Why don't you take your shit
And get it out of my face
Why don't you get on out
I heard your mama call
I'll throw my things about
And bang my head

Why cant you be a man
Why don't you just get lost
How much can a ticket to Pittsburgh cost
Why don't you leave right away
Get it out of my sight
You should have left yesterday
Don't forget to write
Why don't you get on out
I heard your mama call
I'll throw my things about
And bang my head

Bang my head
Bang my head
Bang my head on the wall
Have a new one installed
Bang my head
Bang my head
Bang my head on the wall
Have a new one installed
Bang my head
Bang my head
Bang my head on the wall
Have a new one installed

Poor Blind Sheehan

My name is Patrick Sheehan
My years are thirty four
Tipperary is my home
Not far from Galamore
I came of honest parents
Now they’re lying low
And many a pleasant day is spent
In the glen of Aberlow

My father died I closed his eyes
Outside our cabin door
The landlord and the sheriff too
Were there the day before
And then my loving mother
And sister dear also
Were forced to go with broken hearts
From the glen of Aberlow

Bereft of home and kith and kin
With plenty all around
I starved within my cabin
I slept upon the ground
But cruel as my lot was
I ne’er did hardship know
Till I joined the English ranks
Far way from Aberlow

Rouse up there says the corporal
You lazy Irish hound
Don't you hear you sleeping dog
The call to arms did sound
Alas I had been dreaming
Of days so long ago
I woke upon the bloody ground
And not in Aberlow

I groped to find my musket
How dark I thought the night
Blessed god it was not dark
It was the broad daylight
And when I found that I was blind
My tears began to flow
And now I'll never see again
My own sweet Aberlow

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary
Mine is a mournful tale
A poor blind prisoner I am
In Dublin’s dreary jail
I joined my country’s tyrants
My face I'll never show
Among my friends and neighbors
In the glen of Aberlow

Irish youth dear country
Take heed of what I say
For if you join the English ranks
You’ll surely rue the day
And when you’re tempted a soldiering to go
Remember poor blind Sheehan
Of the glen of Aberlow

The Bitch Is All Business

She's got a chip on her shoulder and a cold black heart
It wouldn't help if you told her cause she isn't that smart
She wants something for nothing and the rest of it free
Anything she can do better than me
She's got a screwed down hairdo and a messed up view
No one would dare to cause she's better then you
She's got a third class ticket and a working class mind
Feels pretty good but if you touch her you’ll find

She's got a good supplier and an Eveready friend
Important men buy her she has money to spend
Got a bird in the hand and two in the bush
Can’t find a man knows what button to push
She's kind of long in the tooth she's even long in the nail
Clothes real loose so she can tuck in her tail
She's an open book read between the lines
It’s okay to look but if you touch her you’ll find

She's got a chip on her shoulder and a hole in her head
Bought what they sod her she believed what they said
She's got nothing and no one she's stupid and blind
Feels pretty good but if you touch her you’ll find

The bitch is all business
Got a one track mind
Don’t ask her forgiveness
If you do then you’ll find
The bitch is all business
She’ll blow you away
The bitch is all business
Make her day

Paging Larry Storch

Paging Larry King
Paging Larry Fine
Paging Perry White
Paging Fatha Hine
Paging Larry Hovis
Paging Gary Owen
Paging Larry Storch
I saw him on the porch

Paging Cleo Laine
Paging Cleon Jones
Paging Leon Steve
Paging Vic Damone
Paging Durwood Kirby
Paging Merlin Olsen
Paging Kookie Byrne
I dig his kinchy perm

Paging Tommy Tune
Paging Barney Frank
Paging Wally Cox
Paging Bob Eubanks
Paging Agnes Morehead
Paging Forrest Tucker
Paging Orson Bean
He’s looking rather lean

Paging Robert Fripp
Paging Ronnie Wood
Paging Dicky Betts
Paging Thorogood
Paging Ingvey Malmstein
Paging Barney Kessel
Paging Alvin Lee
He lives up in a tree

Paging Captain Crunch
Paging Mrs. Paul
Paging Mr. French
Paging Charles Degaulle
Paging Senor Wences
Paging Cousin Brucie
Paging Colonel Klink
He’s pushed me to the brink

Bar-B-Q Baby

You’re my Bar-B-Q baby
Coming to your Bar-B-Q
It’s true
Momma it’s all you
You got that special sauce
That I loves to chew

Your legs are never fatty
And your ribs are done just right
All right
Out of sight
We’re living high on the hog
High on the hog tonight

You’re my Bar-B-Q baby
Coming to your Bar-B-Q
It’s true
Momma it’s all you
You got that special sauce
That I loves to chew

Murder of Crow

Mary had a little lamb
Bingo was its name-o
Nero threw a party
Everybody came-o
The camels with their jockies
Lepers with their sores
Philistines pharisees
Fisherman and whores
I thought that I saw Larry
Just another Moe
A double-cross to carry
Then he had to go

Sing a song of six-pack
Belly full of lye
4 and 20 blackbirds
Giving me the eye
I thought that I saw Mary
Just another whore
Her face was old and scary
No one wanted her no more
The wood we got it special
The nails they threw in free
Didn’t want to do it
Better him than me

The hawks said let him suffer
The doves said let him go
The judge sent him home early
Murder of Crow

Da da black sheep
Have you any wool
Yes sir no sir a nickel bag full
I thought that I saw Curly
Just another Joe
Looked just like a gilrlie
Swear you’d never know
They sent him up the river
Cut off all his hair
Fed him his own liver
Strapped him in the chair

Ahab

You can call me Ishmael
Although that’s not my name
I’ll be the lone survivor
Of this unhappy game
I may give chase round Hope and Fear
And you might get your wish
But it’s a great big ocean
And it’s chock full of fish

Put your tubs in your boats boys
And by your braces stand
And we’ll have one of those fine whales
So hands boys over hands
Cause it’s a great big ocean
And my harpoon is quick
And me well I ain’t Ahab
And you well you ain’t Dick

Sing out every time boys
Sing out loud and call
And we’ll have one of those fine whales
And God will keep us all

You can call me Ishmael
Although my name is Dave
My mother joined the Navy
My father rode the wave
Cause it’s a great big ocean
And I can’t swim a lick
And me well I ain’t Ahab
And you well you ain’t Dick

Sing out every time boys
Sing out thar she blows
And we’ll have one of those fine whales
And God only knows

The Short Song

Well if we had to be together till death do us part
I’d take a big dagger and cut out my heart
I’d walk down the aisle like nothing’s the matter
And hand it to you on a big silver platter
Cause lust is a vice and love’s a disease
So just name your price and get down on your knees

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