"The absurd is the central concept and the first truth"

Forecast:
Cloudy, chance of tumors

Impure Thoughts

It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin we're all brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we're all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons. (Henry Miller)
 

Implants of the month
 

Sally Kirkland

Separated at Birth?
 
Jennifer Love Hewitt


Kangaroo

Maybe You're Dead

Waylon Jennings the leather- voiced singer and songwriter who was at the center of "outlaw" country music, died at his home in Chandler, Ariz. He was 64. He had suffered from diabetes- related health problems

Priness Margearet the younger sister of Queen Elizabeth II, whose troubled private life aroused both worldwide sympathy and widespread reprobation, died yesterday morning in London. She was 71.

Nick Brignola the internationally acclaimed baritone saxophone player and an accomplished performer on all reed instruments died at the Albany Medical Center Hospital. Mr. Brignola was 65.
 

Web Sights
 
Condiment Museum

Mothman Solved

Prime # Shitting Bear

Frivolous Lawsuits

2001 Darwin Awards

Olsen Twins Jailbait Clock

 

STIFF COMPETITION: The World's First Annual Gangbang Championship starts rolling in Warsaw, Poland. Three women are competing for the coveted honor: Brazilian porn star Mayara; British model Claire Brown; and Polish magazine editor Klaudia Figura. The gals are required to have sex with as many males as possible and each encounter must last between 30 seconds and a minute. Organizers hope at least one competitor breaks the current record of 620 sex partners, set by American porn actress Houston in 1998. Insiders say Warsaw native Figura is the crowd favorite and one organizer says that "all Poland will be proud" if she sets a record.

HEAP GOOD IDEA: An intramural basketball team at the University of Northern Colorado called "The Fighting Whities" is turning the tables on the Eaton mascot issue. Led by Solomon Little Owl, director of Native American Student Services at UNC, the team chose a white man as its mascot to raise awareness and understanding of stereotypes that some cultures endure.

THTOP THIEF: A suspected burglar bit his victim, then fled in a stolen car. But he left one piece of evidence behind: his false teeth. Officers noticed a name and serial number inscribed on the dentures. A computer inquiry revealed the number was a California DOC ID number: the suspect was an ex-con. The defanged suspect topped off his day by crashing into a signpost while being chased by other officers, who captured him.

STUPIDITY 101: Officials at the University of California have halted a male sexuality class amid allegations that classmates went to a strip club for their final project and watched a student instructor have sex on stage. A university Web site describes the male sexuality class as one "intended to provide a safe environment in which men may learn about their own bodies and male sexuality.''

DRIVING YOUSELF CRAZY: A Slovenian smashed his car through the glass doors of a hospital and drove down a corridor to the reception desk to ram home his demand for psychiatric treatment. Slovenske Novice newspaper said Aleksandar Oven became angry when he was refused an appointment Wednesday at the hospital in the town of Izola. When he was refused, Oven ran out of the hospital but returned minutes later in his car, which he drove through the glass doors and down a 30-yard corridor to reception.

GOAT TO THE LAST DROP: A chef had sex with a goat and was seen by a trainload of passengers. Stephen Hall lassoed the animal with his belt at the Paradise allotments near his home. As the packed Hull to Bridlington train stopped at signals, dozens of passengers stared out in amazement. In seconds, police switchboards were jammed as horrified commuters used their mobiles to report what they had seen. A vet who examined the goat said it "did not seem too upset but it is difficult to tell."

BUCKLE UP: Dennis Roache beheaded a man with a machete during a fight, then placed the severed head on the hood of a car as neighbors watched. A woman called police after Roache, a former boyfriend, allegedly broke into the home of her current boyfriend, cut him several times with the machete, then beheaded him. Roache put the head on the car hood, then tried to arrange a rearview mirror in front of the decapitated head. "He was adjusting the mirror so the head, if it were alive, could see itself," police said.

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE: A fugitive who called police to boast that he could not be caught was arrested while he was still on the phone when investigators used caller ID to trace the call. Police said that they were surprised when the man called them and bragged that he'd never be caught. The dispatcher noted the number on caller ID and deputies moved in for the arrest.

VAT'S AMATTA? YOU DON'T HAF A SENSE OF HUMA?: A Jewish museum has provoked howls of protest with a planned show of contemporary art that includes a LEGO concentration camp, a gift set of brand-named poison gas canisters, and a British artistís self-portrait of himself sharing Diet Coke with emaciated inmates at Buchenwald.

AND HE'S OFF!: A 4-year-old filly apparently kicked a 34-year-old transient in the face as he allegedly sexually assaulted the horse in Rolling Hills Estates. Kevin Bryant was treated for facial injuries at Torrance Memorial Medical Center and released Saturday after being cited by sheriff's deputies for sexual assault against an animal, trespassing and being drunk in public, all misdemeanors.

TWO MONU-MINTS IN ONE : Finnish twin brothers were killed in identical bicycle accidents along the same road two hours apart, police said Wednesday. "This is simply a historic coincidence. One twin was hit by a truck and killed while out cycling early Tuesday on the west coast of Finland. Before police had identified the body and informed family members, his brother was killed on his bicycle by a second truck a half-mile down the road.

NO MOOSE IS GOOD MOOSE: A 8-month-old moose crashed through the fiberglass roof of a storage shed at Bell's Nursery on DeArmoun Road and got stuck, dangling eight feet off the ground for three hours until rescuers got her down safely. Around 9 a.m., a nursery neighbor saw the 400-pound cow walking on the deck of a house next to the shed. Then the moose stepped over a 3-foot railing and onto the shed's snowy roof. The animal's front legs punched through the roof almost immediately, but she pulled her legs out and kept walking. Just before she reached the roof's edge, though, both back legs and one front leg punched through -- and stayed there. The moose thrashed around, leaving a basketball-sized raw spot on her rear end, but stayed stuck, peering pathetically over the edge of the roof with legs dangling below

You Say It's Your Birthday

Star Jones

Woody Allen

Cpt. Stubing

Home

FAQ

Audio Samples

Merchandise

Guestbook

cell
cell
Subscribe and win!
 

Join our mailing list. Not only will you receive the Weasel World News delivered absolutely free, but each month one lucky subscriber, usually a relative, wins the complete works of the Weasels, as an added bonus.

Email:

 
 
Links